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"Encouragement for Fathers"
by The Rev. Clancy Nixon
June 19, 2005 Father's Day
Church of the Holy Spirit
Ashburn, Virginia
Happy Father's Day! Here is a Father's Day funny for you. After listening to his
tale of woe, a doctor told his patient, "Bad news. Your blood pressure is sky high and
you've got to do something about it. Here is my advice: You'll have to stop working like
a dog. Your wife needs to cook you far more nutritious meals. Your financial stress is
out of control. You need to make a budget, and your wife has to stick to it, too. Have her
keep the kids off your back so you can relax. My friend, unless there are some drastic
changes in your life, you'll probably be dead within a month." The patient said, "Doc,
could you please call my wife and give her those instructions? This would sound more
official coming from you." When the fellow got home, his wife ran to hug him. She
said, "I talked to the doctor - you poor man, you have only 30 days to live!"
That humor is pretty standard for how our culture looks at men, isn't it? The
pattern is the same on all the T.V. commercials and sitcoms. Fathers and husbands are
typically portrayed as incompetent buffoons, and their wives are portrayed as playing
their husbands like a violin. Today's fathers need encouragement. C.S. Lewis wrote,
"fatherhood must be at the core of the universe." Since that is true, then disrespect for
fathers defaces the created order. While some fathers are so egregiously bad that they are
very difficult to respect, when most fathers in a culture are treated this way, then
something has gone wrong with that culture. Jesus calls us to honor our fathers, and
today that has become counter cultural.
Most Mother's Day sermons I've heard are all about praising moms for all they
are and do. They are all about encouragement. That's all to the good. I've noticed that
Father's Day sermons usually have titles like "Five ways to be a great dad." They are
more about challenging dads than encouraging them. On this Father's Day, we focus on
encouraging our fathers, thanking them for all the good that they are and do, and most of
all, honoring our fathers. In our gospel lesson, Jesus tells us that we can't make excuses
to get around honoring our parents. Even religious excuses don't cut it.
What does it mean to honor your father? We live in a day when the word honor
is not used very much. It seems that the military is the only institution that talks much
about honor these days You know, "duty, honor, and country." Yet in the enduring
moral code that God our Father has given us in the Ten Commandments, he has placed
honoring our fathers and mothers at the center, as the fifth Commandment. It's the first
commandment that does not speak directly about honoring God. Commandments number
one through four speak of honoring God, because before we can know how to treat
people right, we need learn how to honor God. When we first honor God, and obey his
commands, then we'll know how to honor people. In a similar way, before we can learn
how to treat other people right, first we must learn how to honor our parents.
The problem is that we don't know what honoring looks like; it feels old-
fashioned. The word "honor" has been drained of meaning in the modern world. In A
Farewell to Arms, Earnest Hemingway wrote that the waves of death in trench warfare of
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the First World War made the words "honor" and "duty" ring hollow, manipulative, and
horrific. Hemingway called that generation of soldiers the "Lost Generation." By
contrast, listen to General Douglas Macarthur on honoring your country the same words
can easily apply to the command to honor your father: "Unbelievers will say that the
call to honor your country is but words, but a slogan, but a flamboyant phrase. Every
pedant, every cynic, every troublemaker... will try to downgrade these words, even to the
extent of mockery and ridicule. But ...these words build your basic character. They mold
you for your future roles...." Many of us need to learn anew what it means to honor our
fathers.
Webster's Dictionary defines the word honor. Let's say that aloud together.
Honor means "to esteem highly; to show great respect for; to confer a testimony of
esteem; or to treat with deference and courtesy." I like to think of this definition as
having movement. Honoring our parents begins with thinking highly of them. From
there it moves to treating them with respect; from there to speaking highly of them; and
from there to deferring to their wishes. Honor encompasses all of these, and it begins in
our attitude, in thinking the best of our parents.
I want to honor my own father, Clarence B. Nixon, Jr., who is here today. He is a
member of the Greatest Generation, and he joined the Army at age 19 as a foot soldier
and fought the Nazis in North Africa, Italy, and Germany. If Hemingway was right that
the WWI generation was lost, my father's generation once again found the meaning of
duty and honor. You might say he is old-fashioned; I see that characterization as a badge
of honor. My father knew what it meant to honor his father, whom he respected all his
life. This father was his best friend. He went into business with his dad, and they formed
Nixon and Nixon, Attorneys at Law. My father had me baptized. He educated me at the
finest schools. When I visited Istanbul in 1978, my father persisted in calling it
Constantinople, as he had been taught. My father had not lost the memory of Christian
civilization on the Bosporus, nor the hope of its restoration. He taught me that a man
should lead his family. He taught me how to tell a coot from a merganser, and a hemlock
from a locust tree. Though my father is a lifelong Republican, he did not become anxious
when I took a decade-long detour into socialist politics, nor when I wandered off to India
at age 21. He taught me what his father taught him: when you go out, to always to have
your own wheels. He was right about that, as he was right about many, many things. I
honor you, dad. Please stand, that we may honor you.
I hope that that testimony set some of you to thinking about what you might say to
honor your father. You'll have an opportunity to do that in a few minutes at the open
mike. Others might be wishing that your dad was still alive so that you could bless him
in his presence. Some others might be feeling pain right now because it is very hard for
you to honor your father. Many of us had fathers that disappointed us, and some who
even abused us. How can these ones honor their fathers? The commandment applies to
all of us, and to all fathers, no matter how honorable they may be. Most of us need to
deal at some point with our father issues. That might involve confronting our fathers.
You might need to seek prayer ministry to receive help in this area. I encourage you to
get the healing you need here. We'll be glad to pray for you.
It will always involve forgiving our fathers for the ways they have disappointed
us. If we stay in that wounded place, a part of us will never grow up. Now listen:
Gordon Dalbey writes, "We had better teach our sons mercy. A man who curses his
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father...curses his own manhood." Men, hear me. Your own manhood will be impaired
if you disrespect your father. The truth is, fathers have a huge role that mothers cannot
play. Ladies, if you curse your father, you impair your own womanhood. A father calls
sons into manhood, and daughters into womanhood. Mothers cannot do that; a man must
do that. Part of growing up is learning to honor our fathers, warts and all, for all the good
that is in them. Very few men are completely evil. In Star Wars III, Padme reminds us
that even Darth Vader, whose name means dark father, has some good in him. When you
can thank God, without qualification, for the good things your father was and is - even
when he does not come through in the end like Anakin did - and you can still honor him,
then you demonstrate maturity.
Fathers at Church of the Holy Spirit, I want to encourage you today. To my
knowledge, to the man, every one of you, are doing a super job of fathering your
children. I'm not exaggerating. That is what I observe. I'm so proud of you, and so is
your Heavenly Father. I believe that God would say to you, Well done, good and faithful
servants! Oh, I know, you are not perfect. Only our Father in Heaven is perfect. But I
see you faithfully coaching your daughters on the soccer fields; I see you loving your
wives by serving them; I see you working hard to provide for your sons; I see you
bringing your whole families to church and training them in the ways they should go.
You are diligently pursuing your callings as fathers, and I honor you.
Everyone needs a father's blessing. If boys don't get it, they will search for
someone who will initiate them and bless them. Those who join gangs are almost always
fatherless boys, as are the vast majority of prison inmates. Every child wants to hear their
father say, "You can do it!" and "You did a good job!" We all need to know that our
father loves us, protects us, and trusts us. A daughter needs to hear from a father that she
is beautiful and competent; and a son needs to hear that he is strong and capable. Even if
you never hear this from your earthly father, listen to what your heavenly Father has to
say to you from the Holy Scriptures.
The truth about God is that he is the perfect father. (Matthew 5:48) Even if you
never hear those things from your earthly father, hear them now from your heavenly
father. God knew you from before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) God is not
distant and angry, but he is the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16) God is your
provider and meets all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33) God loves you with an
everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) When you are brokenhearted, God is close to you.
(Psalm 34:18) He rejoices over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) Everything good that
we receive comes from his hand. (James 1:17) In Jesus, the love of the father is perfectly
revealed. (John 17:26) God says, I have always been Father and will always be father.
(Ephesians 3:14-15) His question is... will you be his child? (John 1:12-13) He is
waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32). Let's pray...
It is our joy to hear from each other as you honor your fathers. You are invited to
come to the microphone to tell a brief story 60 seconds will do of how your father
showed the love of God to you.
Bill Mims, please come forward. Bill has been a father in faith for our
congregation by serving as our Senior Warden, which is the chief lay office in our
congregation. He and his wife Jane have been praying for our church since before we
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came into being. After 4 years of service, Bill stepped down this spring. Bill is a wise
counselor, a gentle spirit, a faithful servant. He shows unconditional love, and has a great
sense of humor. Please receive our thanks, Bill, for your service.
Most of your know that I have asked Mark Earley to serve as our next senior
warden. Please come forward, Mark, so that we may pray for you.
At this time we want to invite all the men in our church 18 years of age and older
to come forward and line up in front of our altar rail for a brief ceremony. As you make
your way to the front, let me explain the three things we're going to do. We are going to
give you a stock of holy oil, pray for you, and then ask you to anoint and bless the
children.
Every man is called by God to be the priest of his own household. Holy oil is a
sign, a symbol of the presence of the Holy Spirit for blessing and empowering for
ministry. So Samuel the prophet anointed young David for the ministry of King. Priests
anoint for blessing, and elders anoint for healing. Men, you are to be a Kingdom of
priests before our God, praying blessings over the younger ones. First, Mark Earley and I
would like to pray for you. Ladies, please join us as we pray. "Father in Heaven, today
we honor the men of our church, both fathers and those who will one day be fathers.
Empower these men by your Spirit to be the men you call them to be. Grant each of them
the desire and power to be a faithful disciple of Jesus. Call them to walk with Christ,
equip them to live like Christ, and send them to work for Christ. Help them also, Lord, to
find rest for their souls and to renew their strength as on wings of eagles. In Jesus' name
we pray. Amen.
Men, remaining where you are, please open to bottle of holy oil that you have
been given. Screw off the top, and place the bottle top in your hand like this. You get a
little oil on your finger like this: you cover the tip of the bottle with your finger, and tip it.
Now I'd like to ask that all children, from age 17 and younger, come forward at this time
to receive a father's blessing. If your father is here and you are older, please come
forward too. Come find your dad, kids. If your father is not here, then find a man who
does not have a child present, and that man will bless you. I'd like the fathers to face
toward the screen, and there you will see a generic prayer of blessing to pray over your
children. Please anoint each child, and pray over them. As they do, ladies, please pray
over this holy process. You might want to stretch out your hand like this as a symbol of
your prayer.
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